A Beloved’s Reply… …anxiously waiting for your letter…

To,

Pratik,

I got your letter and thought about you for a long time. Indeed Pratik, I am
there for you and will always be there for you…but yet something stops me from
being near with you…maybe I love myself a lot…or maybe I love you so much that I
don’t wish to hurt you…or maybe because I fear that you’d leave me after
sometime…or maybe because I might leave you…consequently hurting you more…

Your love means an honor to me and I know, nobody will ever love me like you
do…no one can and no one ever will…your love is pure as those religious hymns
that I hear every time I go to a temple…it is a sacred thread that will never
die in the wind…it will blow on...lit aflame in the darkest times…and yet, I
fear…

You indeed were true when you explained how love could be measured to your
friend. Love is a frail bond of trust and hope…a blind chance to hold one’s
hand…with prejudices, you indeed will never love! Yes Pratik, love cannot be
measured with those tangible things that we all see…that fills our
surroundings…it is that sacred bond…that emotion which pounds to hear that
special name…………………..……..

Time turns the tide Pratik, and the thought of me changing or you changing
scares me…in many sleepless nights and till early dawns, I’ve wondered the same
thing....“what if I change?...what if you change?” and this very thought further
casts me a fear to accept your love…

Life, as I know it is, and as we all know is of hurdles. It is a tiresome
conflict between utopia and the reality…and the latter defines what we call
life. My fear that debars me from your love is that very hurtful reality…the
very reality that I ere to escape in order to love you back!

Indeed Pratik, you were right when you said that fear was the reason which
refrained me to write you back…and now, it is a fear that urges me to write to
you…maybe because you wish to hear from me…or maybe because I wish to write to
you…

Your letter means a lot to me Pratik. And I can see how much you love me…reading
your words chocked me…I cried every time I read your words and as I write to
you, my heart feels heavy as I fight for words…words till now had never lost its
essence…words had never left me till now…

I certainly do fear to love you back because I fear that I might hurt you…leave
you stranded when you need me the most…I fear that “would I be there for you
when you need me the most?” This query kills me from deep inside….it is like a
sharp blow debars me from loving you…….Pratik…I don’t want to hurt you…and my
words might be chocking you…but please…please read till the end…Please? ………

Your words mean so much Pratik that I doubt if I could ever love you the way I
do…the question of devotion and honesty indeed lies within us…within you and me,
and I am honest and devoted…and yet, something stops me…

(I do hope that you’re reading my letter…)

It means a lot Pratik when I learnt that you wouldn’t change when I succeed and
when I fail…for many, a presence surrounds them only when there is joy…many
depart in a slight sign of sorrow and pain…but for you, that is not the case.
And yes, I also will be there for you when you succeed and when you fail because
success is a matter of chance that some achieve while failures are minor
setbacks to test a bond’s strength!

Despite saying that I however don’t want to stop you from striving to do better
for you have to do better…and I will always support you.

Pratik, I too do not seek for those numerous extravagances save your heart that
loves…success is a matter of chance, and luxury, its product. What matters to me
is your love…the love you show from your heart… I do not look for those
far-fetched dreams or dreams of extravagance and lust. I look for a small family
where it’s me, you and our small happy family…that’s all I wish for and that’s
all I want…

Pratik, I fear to love because I fear that I might hurt you…but because you love
me, and because you love my fear that keeps me from admitting my love to you, I
ask you to give me some more time…I wish to think once more because I don’t want
to hurt you...once I’ve held your hands, I don’t wish to let you go…

Please forgive me for what I’ve said…I’m sorry if I hurt you…I acknowledge your
love but I want sometime to decide…till then, take care…and I’m always with
you…in those bustling crowds where you are a stranger, I will be lurking
underneath your shadows, wherever you go…whoever you meet, I’ll be watching
you…in loneliness, when you ache for a presence, I’ll be there with you.
Always…never away…

Write me back…

Looking anxiously for your next letter…

Yours truly,

Yours Beloved…