FIGHTING MEMORIES

Dear Pratik

The nights are ruthless when I fight every day with memories where we were together. Every night, I battle with tears, ask them not to roll down my cheeks. Every night, I continue to fight a losing battle. I console my restless heart of the day when we will meet. Yet, my heart is frail when it comes to you. My yearning heart endlessly longs to cover a distance that we both know can never travel until time comes.

As I console my weeping heart, I am losing the strength that I had collected to cope with your departure when you departed. Both my heart and mind knows that you are gone for good; gone for the eternal togetherness which we will share when you arrive—the day that I endlessly wait! The thought of our conjugal togetherness delights me and withholds tears from falling for a while. Yet, then again, I remember the distance—the aching distance until we meet and tears roll down without my reckoning.

I count days Pratik. Each passing day brings you closer to me. Each night tells me that such nights will always pass, and pass quickly. Yet, I have been a fool to think that nights and days pass quickly because it never does. The twenty four hour is too long a time for a day to pass by.

Can we not decrease time Pratik? Can we not decrease time in hours or minutes or even seconds so that we can be together soon? I sincerely wish we could.

But, time is strange. It never passes, and the more I think of it, the more lonelier I become. On my journey, I miss your touch. I miss when we held our hands and walked distances. I miss moments where you would endlessly talk. I miss the kisses. I miss your embrace. I miss you Pratik.

Each day, I miss you more. The more I miss you, the more I love you. This is what distance has taught me in your absence. I meet my friends and stay with my family as long as I can to divert my heart and mind from you, but, I endlessly fail. Love never seemed to be so strong an emotion we departed.

I still remember the last time when we departed. I knew you would go. Yet, when you held me in my embrace, I wished the time would freeze. I wished that you’d never go. I wished we would stay the way we are forever. Together. Never away. Yet, you left. I never looked back because I knew what I was leaving behind. I was leaving behind you. I was leaving behind my heart. I was leaving behind my life and joy and going ahead—with a heavy heart. I was leaving you until we would meet again.

AGAIN…WHEN? How frail is this heart? Tears, stop to roll down for no reasons. I cannot console you anymore. I am losing all of my strengths that I had gathered to hold back the aching pain of departure. Tears, stop the cries….

Love you forever and more,

See you soon Pratik.

Yours,

Beloved

MEMORIES OF TOGETHERNESS

Dear Beloved,

It has been long that we last met and it is now that I have learnt that Distance is more than eight letter word. It is the departure, a journey of separation which we fight to realize…a journey of a lonesome walk…a longing of seeing the other and a piercing realization of when we’ll meet…

In this foreign land, Beloved, I have become a lonely soul amidst the maddening chaos of greed and low morale. Each day, I think of you, the moments we shared runs across my mind like the soft breeze that cajoles my senses. I close my eyes. With each moments that I recall, I hear my name from your voice. I smile and then, open my eyes—only to wake up left alone. The breeze is long gone and the scorching heat takes away my energy, save the memories that I hold onto….the memories of us Beloved…memories of you.

And in this foreign land, Dear Beloved, I savor our moments, cherish your picture and smile in delight. While distance hurts the most when I recall of the journey that I have to travel to be in your arms…my heaven, I have, nonetheless, learnt how much I love you…how much I miss you, and how much I long for you…It is in these times that I wish I were a bird my Beloved…a free bird that could fly to its will…to its home at the end of the day despite the hardship he goes through in the day. Indeed, dreams are wonderful to dream about, especially when they are of thoughts that bring a smile on your face accelerate the beating heart. Yet, dreams also let you down when you wake up…when you know that while you were together in your dream, you wake up lonely—alone.

MOMENTS. MEMORIES. These two words keep me going on in your absence. MOMENTS we held each other in arms, those moments that we kissed, and moments when I rested my head on your lap and forgot the world around me…that very moment when I realized my heaven was when I closed my eyes and rested my head on your lap while you caressed my hair…

MEMORIES…those fond recalling of the moments that comes from our hearts and those that dances in our eyes... memories that makes me smile and memories that makes me long for your presence in joy…and memories….that once again echoes my longing…my loneliness.

Both knew that we’d be bidding one another a farewell for two years. We had talked about it for long and said, “Its only two years. It will pass as gently as it came.” But two months away from you, My Beloved, I now realize that two years of distance won’t pass as we thought it would. But Beloved, aren’t these the times that test our love and strength? Aren’t times like these that makes love grow fonder and dearer?

In this distance, I have realized how much I have had been dependent on you. I’ve realized how restless I become when I’m not with you…it has taught me why I cannot live without you and continually reminds me of how much I love you..

Dear Beloved, pages could take eternity to fill my aching heart but I am saving words and emotions. 

Each day, I love you, truly, madly, deeply,

Loving you forever and more,

Holding on to the memories...

Pratik