FIGHTING MEMORIES

Dear Pratik

The nights are ruthless when I fight every day with memories where we were together. Every night, I battle with tears, ask them not to roll down my cheeks. Every night, I continue to fight a losing battle. I console my restless heart of the day when we will meet. Yet, my heart is frail when it comes to you. My yearning heart endlessly longs to cover a distance that we both know can never travel until time comes.

As I console my weeping heart, I am losing the strength that I had collected to cope with your departure when you departed. Both my heart and mind knows that you are gone for good; gone for the eternal togetherness which we will share when you arrive—the day that I endlessly wait! The thought of our conjugal togetherness delights me and withholds tears from falling for a while. Yet, then again, I remember the distance—the aching distance until we meet and tears roll down without my reckoning.

I count days Pratik. Each passing day brings you closer to me. Each night tells me that such nights will always pass, and pass quickly. Yet, I have been a fool to think that nights and days pass quickly because it never does. The twenty four hour is too long a time for a day to pass by.

Can we not decrease time Pratik? Can we not decrease time in hours or minutes or even seconds so that we can be together soon? I sincerely wish we could.

But, time is strange. It never passes, and the more I think of it, the more lonelier I become. On my journey, I miss your touch. I miss when we held our hands and walked distances. I miss moments where you would endlessly talk. I miss the kisses. I miss your embrace. I miss you Pratik.

Each day, I miss you more. The more I miss you, the more I love you. This is what distance has taught me in your absence. I meet my friends and stay with my family as long as I can to divert my heart and mind from you, but, I endlessly fail. Love never seemed to be so strong an emotion we departed.

I still remember the last time when we departed. I knew you would go. Yet, when you held me in my embrace, I wished the time would freeze. I wished that you’d never go. I wished we would stay the way we are forever. Together. Never away. Yet, you left. I never looked back because I knew what I was leaving behind. I was leaving behind you. I was leaving behind my heart. I was leaving behind my life and joy and going ahead—with a heavy heart. I was leaving you until we would meet again.

AGAIN…WHEN? How frail is this heart? Tears, stop to roll down for no reasons. I cannot console you anymore. I am losing all of my strengths that I had gathered to hold back the aching pain of departure. Tears, stop the cries….

Love you forever and more,

See you soon Pratik.

Yours,

Beloved

MEMORIES OF TOGETHERNESS

Dear Beloved,

It has been long that we last met and it is now that I have learnt that Distance is more than eight letter word. It is the departure, a journey of separation which we fight to realize…a journey of a lonesome walk…a longing of seeing the other and a piercing realization of when we’ll meet…

In this foreign land, Beloved, I have become a lonely soul amidst the maddening chaos of greed and low morale. Each day, I think of you, the moments we shared runs across my mind like the soft breeze that cajoles my senses. I close my eyes. With each moments that I recall, I hear my name from your voice. I smile and then, open my eyes—only to wake up left alone. The breeze is long gone and the scorching heat takes away my energy, save the memories that I hold onto….the memories of us Beloved…memories of you.

And in this foreign land, Dear Beloved, I savor our moments, cherish your picture and smile in delight. While distance hurts the most when I recall of the journey that I have to travel to be in your arms…my heaven, I have, nonetheless, learnt how much I love you…how much I miss you, and how much I long for you…It is in these times that I wish I were a bird my Beloved…a free bird that could fly to its will…to its home at the end of the day despite the hardship he goes through in the day. Indeed, dreams are wonderful to dream about, especially when they are of thoughts that bring a smile on your face accelerate the beating heart. Yet, dreams also let you down when you wake up…when you know that while you were together in your dream, you wake up lonely—alone.

MOMENTS. MEMORIES. These two words keep me going on in your absence. MOMENTS we held each other in arms, those moments that we kissed, and moments when I rested my head on your lap and forgot the world around me…that very moment when I realized my heaven was when I closed my eyes and rested my head on your lap while you caressed my hair…

MEMORIES…those fond recalling of the moments that comes from our hearts and those that dances in our eyes... memories that makes me smile and memories that makes me long for your presence in joy…and memories….that once again echoes my longing…my loneliness.

Both knew that we’d be bidding one another a farewell for two years. We had talked about it for long and said, “Its only two years. It will pass as gently as it came.” But two months away from you, My Beloved, I now realize that two years of distance won’t pass as we thought it would. But Beloved, aren’t these the times that test our love and strength? Aren’t times like these that makes love grow fonder and dearer?

In this distance, I have realized how much I have had been dependent on you. I’ve realized how restless I become when I’m not with you…it has taught me why I cannot live without you and continually reminds me of how much I love you..

Dear Beloved, pages could take eternity to fill my aching heart but I am saving words and emotions. 

Each day, I love you, truly, madly, deeply,

Loving you forever and more,

Holding on to the memories...

Pratik

Any Other Name Would Smell As Sweet*

“Why don’t you call me by my name,” Beloved one day asked all of a sudden to Pratik. It was a question he had no hint of. It also was a question that he never had an answer to. He looked into her eyes and just smiled, hoping that the question would go as it came, which, however, did not.

“Don’t just smile Pratik. Tell me, why you don’t call me by my name,” Beloved queried longing to hear for an answer.

“What is your name though,” Pratik banteringly said as he came close. Beloved instantly pushed him aside, looked other way and made an adoring face of looking mean—a mixture of small disappointment for an unexpected joke when she was serious, and of a wait when Pratik would turn her around, smile and answer.

“Tell me Beloved, what is your name,” Pratik said with a smile, and his Beloved further walked away.

“I don’t know,” she snapped back and sat on a sofa across the distance.

“When you don’t know your name, how would I know your name,” Pratik said teasingly.

“That is so rude Pratik. I’m not talking to you. Not talking to you until you tell me my name,” his Beloved replied, added, “…and yes, I do know my name.”

While Pratik always loved her Beloved, he sometimes longed to tease her and see her adoring mean face once in a while, and today was one of those moments. However, while he wished to see her mean face once in a while, he always kept it short because he couldn’t see her look mean for a long time because he was not accustomed to it. He then walked to her, and held her from behind…rested his chin on her shoulders…Beloved, smiled, held his hands and asked again, pretending to be mean, when she wasn’t, “So tell me now, why don’t you call me by my name Pratik?”

“You don’t have a name my Beloved because you are my Beloved,” Pratik said as he held her from behind. Beloved smiled and queried, “And why am I your Beloved?”

“You’re my Beloved because you are my Beloved, and because you are dear to me. Beloved because I love you. I have no answers to the whys and hows Dear because these are questions that I never have answers to. It is not that I have not tried to search and look for the answers. I have quested endlessly—quests that all ended futile…quests that all led me to you without an answer.” Pratik said.

“You should have told me about the quest Pratik. I would have helped you to find the answers,” Beloved turned towards Pratik, stretched her hands on his shoulders and said with a smile, a small curled stretch of lips. This was the smile that escalated Pratik’s joy…the smile that further deepened his love, and it was a holy smile—a smile that he could see only on moments like this.

“No Beloved. I did fail to find my answers but I did not fail to find my destiny. All of my quests led to you my Beloved and your acceptance was my answer to all those questions that I asked for and to all those questions that I failed to ask for. You were, are and will always be my greatest gift,” Pratik said.

As Beloved heard those words, her eyes moistened and she held him close and whispered, “I love you Pratik…I love you very much.”

“I love you too my Beloved…I love you forever and more.”

As they held the other, Beloved, without seeking an answer asked, “Then what is my name Pratik?”  

“For me, your name is Beloved, my Beloved. And besides, what’s in a name Beloved when you know that ‘a rose by any other name would smell as sweet’”.

Upon hearing the words, Beloved gently kissed Pratik’s lips and he smiled…held her close and said within him, “I love you my Beloved, and I’ll always do. I love you forever and more.” He then rose his hands to his eyes and gently wiped those falling tears.

*(The title comes from William Shakespeare’s Romeo and Juliet’s Act II, Scene II)