A Heart's Query

Dear Pratik,

I was merry when I read your letter. Your dream indeed consoles me. Indeed, you were true when you said that dreams are insignificant to reality. You were not rude when you said those words Pratik, so please take back your apology with a smile. I wonder if your dream would be true…and as always, I am thankful for your love that you’ve shown to me…the love that I believe is for me only…

Today, I would like to ask you some of my queries…I however wonder if I have the right…despite it, I cannot further repress these questions Pratik…to others, I fail to ask. This, however is not the case with you. Every time I write to you, I have so much to ask for…

Pratik, is life a dream? Or is it a stage?...is happiness an illusion? Is patience a plotted pretence? Can patience wait?...or does it rust with time? Are wishes fulfilled? They say stars fall down…but do they?

Like you, I too am eagerly waiting for your reply...

Thanking you for loving me,

Yours,

Beloved.

A Blissful Dream…love you always…love you more

Dear Beloved,

Your dream after all, was a nightmare…I do hope you are fine now…

My Dear, it certainly was a fateful dream. However, dreams are insignificant to reality for it only is a way to escape things, I believe. I do not intend to be rude, but this is what I reckon…I sincerely apologize for my rude manners. Apart from the pieces, my Love, the whole fails to convey a sense…we further fail to recall a complete dream so as to understand which act provoked the following action…consequently, we only recall an incident; merry or blue. The former, my Dear begets a wish to change it into reality while the latter, we all wish to ignore…we persist to convince ourselves with a consoling voice that the dream never did occur…those seen when we had slept in serene nights leave us restless, and still, we tend to console others with a futile voice that smiles and says, I’m fine!

My Love, like life itself, dreams too are divided into the pleasant and the unpleasant. After all, dreams are only a product of life…however, its formation, since ancient times has been mystic…what creates a blissful dream and a fateful one is beyond our reach except for the fact that we tend to dream one of the two or both together!

Beloved, your letter undoubtedly troubled me…however, I was more troubled because I could not kiss your forehead, smile with an assuring smile saying its alright and gently making you fall back to sleep…
Distance after all, indeed is a bane Dear. Never did the thought of distance come until today…till I read your letter…

Love, after reading your letter, I too had a dream…a blissful one…I still am surrounded by its lingering aroma…the dream’s fragrance is still the same and my eyes urges me to fall asleep and once again relive those moments!

My Dear, my dream was of out togetherness. We had held the other’s hand…we were walking a path…we had walked for a long time talking merrily…the clock that revolved for
twenty-four hours to end a day never reached the end…time had stopped…

I’m tired you had said and had sat under the shade of a tree…the breeze that blew from the mountains was gently touching your hairs…I, with amusement was staring at the
view unable to utter a word…you were trying to get rid of the hairs that troubled your eyes…I was smiling at your futile but amusing act…all of a sudden you noticed my eyes that gazed at you and you gently blushed…I was back to the place…you had called me near to you and I had sincerely came towards you…I sat down and once again my Love, you had held my hands…all of a sudden, you embraced me and said, “Pratik, always love me like this and love me more…” then, with a smile and gently removing your hairs from your face, I had said, “I will always do for I love you…I will love you till the end…I will love you more…”

My Love, I then woke up! It was 3:00 A.M. in the morning. The dawn had long ago hinted of another day without you…sleep failed to touch my eyes…I stayed awake till the sun intruded the night’s tranquility…all I could do was recall the dream and the words you had said with a smile, “…always love me…and love me more…”

I will always love you and will love you more my Love.

Write me back soon.

Eagerly waiting to hear from you.

Once again,

Loving you forever and more,

Pratik

Beloved’s Dream… …obscuring my breath…

Panting she rushed to the door…the journey seemed to take eternity in the dark nights…her white gown reflected light so fierce that her motions were traced without an eye that searched her…

What she had seen, she failed to explain…her mouth was mum…tears streamed down her eyes…never ceasing to end…running through the paths, she wiped her tears…the gown she had worn for her wedding left a trail of her sweet sweat…some thorns kissed her paths and her feet bled…the dress she so much adored were torn…yet she continued to run…she knew she couldn’t stop…neither did she know how long she had been running…

She was nearing a mountain edge…indifferent to the incident in a distant land, the moon and the stars shined brightly…the air she breath in the name of love now was a gruesome pain…it was something she wished to exhale, and yet she couldn’t…till she lived…tears once again streamed down her eyes…no longer aware of the situation, she steadily reached the mountain edge and sat on a stone. She trembled from head to toe…her feet continued to bleed…her eyes etched fear, pain, agony, anguish, regret…every emotions that were expressed in words along with those that hadn’t been written…the emotions that were still virgin…all of a sudden, remembering the incident, she cried hysterically...

"My Dear, I love you a lot…I’m very happy with our wedding…after all, love wins in the end…what happened there, forget it for today is our wedding…the day I’ve always waited for…” he had said…she was looking at him in fear…her world was crumbling down…her love to him had started to cease forever…the person in front of her was a perfect stranger…she did not know who he was…why he loved her…why she loved her except an unexplainable fact that she loved him...

Then, all of a sudden she remembered that she was running from a murderer, whom she had loved with a heart as pure as gold…

She looked around and was aghast at what she saw…the murderer with some men were behind her…she started to retreat…her feet ached for a step which she allowed…the murderer in fear was walking towards her trying to stop her from her retreat…all of a sudden, she slipped from the edge…

I woke up…Pratik, this fateful dream woke me throughout the night…and has left me restless since then…the person who I was running from was you for you had crushed my father’s breath to marry me…fear is obscuring my breath…

A Letter of Apology …to my Beloved

Dear Beloved,

I apologize for not writing to you and my Love, I did not intend to ignore you.
Things kept me busy in these bustling crowds where I wish to hear your
voice…feel your warmth and your presence…

My Love, when you acknowledged my sacred love, I feel blessed. Indeed, like you,
I lack words to express my thankfulness save the very words of ‘thank you’.

Beloved, I was euphoric when I got your letter. However, I could not write back
to you. No Dear, I’ve not changed to you and never will I for I, am still that
very vast sea which is same despite the changing seasons. However, at times
there are uneven tides and waves that hallucinates me and tends to push me away.
Yet, when the tides settle down; which they always should do, I am still the
same…

I accept your wait and still am waiting you despite the unsettling tides that
overruled me for a long time! At times, Beloved, I wander aimlessly thinking
what my destiny is…but after an irksome walk, I come to know that all my ways
leads to you and only you. This consoles me for the fact that you are always
with me…despite your reluctance…

Beloved, love to me is pure and a god that I always worship. My deeds, my
achievements and my striving behavior to succeed are all because of you and only
you. That is why I continue to wait for I know that the almighty can never leave
his child destitute with no one to walk through…to aid as a companion in these
lonesome crowds where we all long for our beloved to be by our side…no matter
how harsh or merry the day or night be…

I do believe that time turns the tide Dear, but the question itself has the
answer and once again, is onto me and you to cope against the tide…we always
can’t swim with the current just because it’s easy! Beloved if we are swept away
by the currents, life would be easy which, however is not! We are always
battling against an impregnable current that tries to make us “flow” and it is
there that we are to decide…whether we are to be “swept away” or to fight back…
I stick to the latter. My wait also speaks that I continue to go against the
current to reach my destiny that once accepted will be joyous and of eternal
togetherness!

Beloved, the questions of “what if” ridicules me because those are mere
possibilities that can stretch as much as we wish. The question is not of “what
if” of but rather of a provoking question that shakes us from inside…“will I
change?” and the answer to it should not be perfunctory saying “no I will not”
but rather from your voice that reverberates deep down you with an answer you
expect or are unlikely to expect!

Yes Love, you were indeed true to say that life is full of hurdles. Beloved,
when you fear to accept my love, I continue to love you more for I continue to
go against the current of a tide and swim against it and I know, one day…one
fine day when the sun merrily shines…when the full moon shows the light…when the
birds chirp in joy…when the flowers blossom the way they never blossomed
before…you will love me back and that very one fine day keeps me waiting for I
know, although spring comes once in a year like every season, it returns the
next year for without it, the years will never succeed!

Beloved, I will answer your query not with force but with a gentle smile and
assurance that says, “you’re there for me and I know you will always be there
for me.” You may ask me why I have so much faith on you…but you’ve always been
there for me…and undoubtedly will be there for me! And indeed my Love, once
again I’ll always be there for you no matter you succeed or fail for like you
said, success is a sheer luck while failures lessons to succeed! Dear, neither
will I be a hurdle to your success but will be a ladder when you fail for I know
with a presence of your beloved, you can succeed!

I too am there for you and will always be there for you. I’ll wait for eternity
to feel your love…that blissful smile…never ending conversations…the warmth of
your love and you!

Beloved, I will fight against all odds, all the barriers…the troubling
tears…kiss the thorns and wait for you and only you!

I once again express my heartfelt apology with a beating heart that waits for
your reply!

Once again and more,

Love you forever,

Yours,

Pratik

A Beloved’s Reply II …fighting to write…

To Pratik,

 

It’s been long since I wrote to you
and I hear no response. You’re silence is pain striking for I do not long this.
Scream or say what you feel like but do forsake this hurtful absence…

Pratik, ever since I wrote to you, I’ve longed to hear from you. Yet I never
did…

Did you change when you had promised me you’d remain the same till the end? I
wonder at the thought and fumble to write…the feeling of being felt out in a
crowd when I desperately need someone to walk along has started to reap within
me. Maybe time did turn the tide Pratik for nothing is same…

However, I still hope you’re still the same at that bustling city. I wish to
believe that your business has refrained you to write me back…

Sorry Pratik, I cannot write more for I’m………

Yours,

Beloved…

A Beloved’s Reply… …anxiously waiting for your letter…

To,

Pratik,

I got your letter and thought about you for a long time. Indeed Pratik, I am
there for you and will always be there for you…but yet something stops me from
being near with you…maybe I love myself a lot…or maybe I love you so much that I
don’t wish to hurt you…or maybe because I fear that you’d leave me after
sometime…or maybe because I might leave you…consequently hurting you more…

Your love means an honor to me and I know, nobody will ever love me like you
do…no one can and no one ever will…your love is pure as those religious hymns
that I hear every time I go to a temple…it is a sacred thread that will never
die in the wind…it will blow on...lit aflame in the darkest times…and yet, I
fear…

You indeed were true when you explained how love could be measured to your
friend. Love is a frail bond of trust and hope…a blind chance to hold one’s
hand…with prejudices, you indeed will never love! Yes Pratik, love cannot be
measured with those tangible things that we all see…that fills our
surroundings…it is that sacred bond…that emotion which pounds to hear that
special name…………………..……..

Time turns the tide Pratik, and the thought of me changing or you changing
scares me…in many sleepless nights and till early dawns, I’ve wondered the same
thing....“what if I change?...what if you change?” and this very thought further
casts me a fear to accept your love…

Life, as I know it is, and as we all know is of hurdles. It is a tiresome
conflict between utopia and the reality…and the latter defines what we call
life. My fear that debars me from your love is that very hurtful reality…the
very reality that I ere to escape in order to love you back!

Indeed Pratik, you were right when you said that fear was the reason which
refrained me to write you back…and now, it is a fear that urges me to write to
you…maybe because you wish to hear from me…or maybe because I wish to write to
you…

Your letter means a lot to me Pratik. And I can see how much you love me…reading
your words chocked me…I cried every time I read your words and as I write to
you, my heart feels heavy as I fight for words…words till now had never lost its
essence…words had never left me till now…

I certainly do fear to love you back because I fear that I might hurt you…leave
you stranded when you need me the most…I fear that “would I be there for you
when you need me the most?” This query kills me from deep inside….it is like a
sharp blow debars me from loving you…….Pratik…I don’t want to hurt you…and my
words might be chocking you…but please…please read till the end…Please? ………

Your words mean so much Pratik that I doubt if I could ever love you the way I
do…the question of devotion and honesty indeed lies within us…within you and me,
and I am honest and devoted…and yet, something stops me…

(I do hope that you’re reading my letter…)

It means a lot Pratik when I learnt that you wouldn’t change when I succeed and
when I fail…for many, a presence surrounds them only when there is joy…many
depart in a slight sign of sorrow and pain…but for you, that is not the case.
And yes, I also will be there for you when you succeed and when you fail because
success is a matter of chance that some achieve while failures are minor
setbacks to test a bond’s strength!

Despite saying that I however don’t want to stop you from striving to do better
for you have to do better…and I will always support you.

Pratik, I too do not seek for those numerous extravagances save your heart that
loves…success is a matter of chance, and luxury, its product. What matters to me
is your love…the love you show from your heart… I do not look for those
far-fetched dreams or dreams of extravagance and lust. I look for a small family
where it’s me, you and our small happy family…that’s all I wish for and that’s
all I want…

Pratik, I fear to love because I fear that I might hurt you…but because you love
me, and because you love my fear that keeps me from admitting my love to you, I
ask you to give me some more time…I wish to think once more because I don’t want
to hurt you...once I’ve held your hands, I don’t wish to let you go…

Please forgive me for what I’ve said…I’m sorry if I hurt you…I acknowledge your
love but I want sometime to decide…till then, take care…and I’m always with
you…in those bustling crowds where you are a stranger, I will be lurking
underneath your shadows, wherever you go…whoever you meet, I’ll be watching
you…in loneliness, when you ache for a presence, I’ll be there with you.
Always…never away…

Write me back…

Looking anxiously for your next letter…

Yours truly,

Yours Beloved…

A Letter to My Beloved II …write me back

Dear Beloved,

I never heard from you…despite the letter I sent you long ago. Yet, this time, I
hope to hear from you.

Beloved, the world is divided into good and the bad. These forces always
conflict each other and cause fear and pain. Thus, I wish you overcast the evils
by virtues that helps mankind blossom…fear has never terrified me as it now
does…I get terrified when the thought of your departure comes in my mind.
Waiting your hopeful presence, I look your way Love.

Dear, fear debars a heart that from within loves and cares. Fear turns this
colorful life into the shades of dark. This probably is the reason why you
fumbled to write me back.
Love, to love is a big step to union of colossal joy. Many fear to love for they
fear to hurt the other’s heart because they; somewhere deep down love and care
them. One never wants the other to be hurt because of him or her. This feeling,
I can now relate to us. Beloved, hear my words; it says that if you ignore my
love, I would break…and indeed, I would happily be hurt by loving you than to
regret your absence throughout my life. My Love, do not withhold those emotions
that blossoms as you read these words.

Dear, faith and trust keeps the world running. We all believe something and
trust those which assures us no harm. Unlike other, love seeks trust and faith.
The question is not of “am I there for you and are you there for me” but of
devotion and honesty that resides deep within oneself.

My Dear, you may at first refrain my love but I continue to wait. My wait to you
is not a river of flowing water but that of a pond which always is still.

Beloved, nothing is certain in this world. What happens tomorrow, no one knows
save a common future existence shares; that one fine morning when we stare to
the eternal horizon!

Dear, despite it, I love you and love your fear that keeps you away from
exclaiming the words I long to hear…

Beloved, if you fear yourself, you will never love and if you love, you will
never fear because you know that the person you love is always with you, despite
the sorrows and hardships. You trust him saying “we will work it out” and take
it as a small test of time. And later you will find out, things after all,
turned out fine. Everything is the way it was. Nothing changed! Like always he’s
there for you and you’re there for him…

My love, I am there for you, like always. With what I say, Beloved, you could
either doubt or trust because world once again is divided into optimism and
pessimism. If you turn and question me skeptically, “are you there for me? Will
you not change? How can I trust you? Would you leave me if I do something
wrong?”…I will assure you that I will be there for you…as your shadow. I will
change according to time and so will you…but my love to you won’t….what I feel
for you won’t change…no matter if tomorrow be the Judgment Day. All you have to
do…and all I can say is trust me because I will never leave you. Just trust me.

Beloved, it is a mind’s foolishness that tries to hide what you feel deep down
your heart. Yet the feelings surpass the mind…you may not know it…you might not
show it…but by these very acts itself, you’re showing your love. More than that,
it is the folly of a mind which eludes a vision to reality with action of
null…but it is the striving force of a vision in a mind that recreates a reality
of eternal togetherness…and this reality is my union…our union!

Dear. I cannot promise you those unreachable stars nor can I promise you eternal
prosperity of wealth, abundance and luxury. However, I can promise you my love,
my presence, trust, faith, joy and care. These, I will, undoubtedly give to
you…and have given it to you.

Beloved, life gives us a second chance because our heavenly father cannot turn
back on us…leaving us destitute with no one to walk with. My Love, this indeed
is true because until I found you, I was raised by Him!

You may say, I’m not for you and you’re not for me. But is it sincerely true
Dear? Ask your heart. You might say, we aren’t destined to be together but
Beloved, we are. And if we aren’t, I will fight my fate to love you for nothing
is as precious as your love and presence.

Beloved, the question is not only about being there. First, the question is
believing and trusting your own decision…trusting yourself because we take both
good and bad choices. Accordingly, we will learn individual separate lessons. If
its good, you’ll be satisfied. Contrary to it, if it doesn’t suit your taste,
you’ll learn a lesson. And yet, before learning a lesson, you have to try
it…before commenting something, you should know the subject…

Therefore Beloved, I wish you trust yourself and hold my hands. If I turn wrong,
you and I will learn a lesson and if I turn right, we’d both learn another
lesson; we should have held our hands before…you should have trusted me earlier…

I hope you take a second thought Dear. I also hope to hear from you this time…

Once again,

Love you forever,

Yours only,

Pratik

A Letter to My Beloved

The sun glistened early morning above the dew drops like pearls. The weather was
perfect for a walk with your lover…hand in hand. How wonderful the thought
seemed…walking along the same path that long ago was separated because of
unawareness.

Those paths of solitude that I had once walked are now a farewell with your
presence. More than that, I fail to remember the paths because of the joys,
wonderful delights of love and care that you’ve shown me.

With your arrival, I now measure my love to you in terms of joy each share
with the other…with some troubling tears that you at times shed…with your
smiles and sweet voice and the way you’ve been there for me.

More than that, despite the distance we share, the longing of your presence
has taught me to miss you in your absence. Yes Dear, and our distance of
place has indeed made me long your presence, and it is this very presence
that has taught me to miss you in your absence more.

Some say life is a transition while some say it to be a fragile thread
between love and fate. With your graceful arrival, I confide to the latter.
Your love to me was indeed a fate which I had always longed for. More than
that, the fate now seems an ordained destiny of togetherness.

Beloved, the journey of life is long. And in it, we will face many hurdles.
These hurdles range from pain, tears to loss of someone close to one other.
Dear, in our happiness, there are so many people around with whom you can
share your joy and spread your smile; the smile that I adore. But everyone
desserts you when you are troubled…when you need them the most…when you
really…desperately need someone to talk to. You’re all on your own My Love.
All on your own. In the end, it’s your life and your decision. In more than
joy, I will be there for you in your pain. These are the very moments when I
need to be with you, and you need to be with me because in the end, its only
you and me…no one else. I am there for you and will always be with you. When
everyone departs, you will find me standing there…waiting you because I’m
not that person who’s there only when you’re happy. I am like the vast sea
which is always the same; be it winter or summer. I am always with you in
your heart…in your breathe…mind. Words can never express my love to you.

Beloved, and in your life’s journey, whenever you take a step forward, you
will always find a shadow behind you. Turn behind to see it, you will find
solitude, but if you feel, you will find me…always with you…right next to
you…watching you with a smile and saying, “good! Keep it up and go on” when
you succeed. Likewise, feel me when you’re down, I’ll say, with more love
and care, “never mind Dear. It’s a minor set back. At least you tried and
learnt something. I’m there for you…watching you…now GO ON!!!”

I believe that love is a game of hearts. It is what people cherish
throughout their life and wish to endure for the time immortal. And yes
Dear, I also wish to make our love immortal.

I also believe that love is a strong bond of hope, trust, joy and strength
to cope through down times. Indeed Beloved, you are my hope that helps me to
do things better…my trust, my faith, my joy and strength to cope when I’m
down…when I fall Love, you are my strength to pull me up.

I sincerely hope that you are there for me, and ask you, “are you there for
me Love?” “…are you there for me when I fall…when everyone desserts me…and even when everyone is there?” Without your presence, everyone seems strange to me, and when you’re with me, I do not care the rest.

Once a friend asked me what is love, and how it could be measured. I said,
“Love can’t be measured with the depth of the seas, nor can it be measured
with the height of the Everest. It can only be measured with the tears and
laughter…with the beats of heart that pounds to hear that special name…and
my special name is you my Dear. You and only you.

They say, life is fast moving. People change with time. Beloved, I do not
care about it until the change touches your gentle body and your tender
kiss…I do hope and pray that you will not change…ever because I will not be
able to accept the fact.

I believe that the loveliest day comes when the person you adore is still
the same; despite new mornings and days when you both walk different
paths…and indeed my Dear, my days will always be loveliest when the person I
adore (you) always be the same…despite new mornings and days when we both
walk different paths that yet again unites into one.

Beloved, I have no words to express my love to you except that I love you a
lot. You are my hope, my strength, my joy, my trust, my faith and my life. I
always pray that we will never depart because of the hurdles that tests our
love.

I always wish that you will be with me…forever…when I fall…when I succeed.
Will you Dear?

“I love you and will always do. When I close my eyes, I see you, and
when I need you, I let my heart wander into your memories and feel your
presence…the presence I’ve always cherished. I wonder what I would have
become if you weren’t there…but you’ve always been with me…by my side. That
is why you’re precious to me. That is why not everyone has you. That is why
I have you. I love you and have no words to say how much you mean to me. I
love you. I love you until the last breath I breathe…until the last second I
live…until the immortal time ends…I love you.”